For you to feel feeling GUILTY is NOT the solution NOR healthy NOR even right! My dear friend, I can only try to comprehend your feelings and I think the OVERWHELMING feeling that you have now is sadness. Sadness of a(nother) lost neshama. But you have to understand, that everyone has bechira, and THEY chose to associate themselves with goyim instead of yidden. Yes, it is SO sad. But we can only do so much. YOU can only do so much. you’re not a kiruv worker. your just a REGULAR guy. don’t be so hard on yourself. YOU didn’t want this to happen. It’s not YOU. Perhaps speak to someone in kiruv and tell your story, I’m sure they had THEIR share of “failure” stories, and can offer optimistic and uplifting advice. There is just so much we can control. Hatzlocha.
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