Agreer, I am very sorry for your situation and I agree with the other posters that suggest you see someone professional and perhaps if there is no progress pursue other methods.
I had written a fairly lengthy response, in defense of ‘older’ men/boys. And defending Nasi’s approach as well intending in light of a bad problem. But I realized it wasn’t going to make a difference.
Agreer, I really do feel bad for you. And I hope that things get better quickly. The world is not always so dark and everyone has their different nisayonos to get through. May you get through yours quickly and once again be able to see Hashem’s Bria in a positive light.