When you make a commitment to a seminary or yeshiva in E’Y you should NOT take it lightly. This is a discussion that one HAS to make with their children before you sign on the dotted line. This is NOT a weekend in the mountains nor is it a summer in camp. This is a major experience and a major lesson in independence and in problem solving. Finances is another discussion that one must have with their children. Believe it or not NOT everyone winds up having the privilege and opportunity to go learn in E”Y. There are yeshivas and seminaries in the states and kids don’t always go because families just can’t afford it and there are not enough scholarships to go around. So when a child does get the opportunity to go, they should NOT take it for granted nor take it lightly. On the other hand, many kids choose NOT to go because they just don’t want to. They prefer staying here, getting college started, or feel they are independent enough to not need that experience.
Maybe some kids are just NOT cut out for it and they should figure that out before they choose to go and take someone else’s spot. That is the reality of the situation. There are just so many beds available in seminary. Each student needs to be accommodated and cared for. When you are accepted it means that someone else was rejected. That is a great honor and something again not to take lightly. High Schools should do more to prepare kids for the experience and maybe there should be some sessions with Guidance Counselors or parents should recognize that some kids should go to therapy before making these decisions to truly qualify if your child should separate from the family and go on this adventure alone.
There are many elements that need to be considered. There is the fact that s/he will be on their own taking care of themselves. That means grooming, cleaning, laundry, shopping, meals, making arrangements for shabbosim and yomim tovim, and staying on a budget etc. Then there is the learning and the work involved in that as well. Then there is the intetgration and getting along with the other students/roommates that they are thrown together with. In addition to being in a country that they are not fluent in the language and they don’t know the currency or their way around. This can be very overwhelming to some kids that are used to having everything done for them and everything figured out for them. And for those who are NOT accustomed to listening to rules, this can also be a recipe for disaster.
As fas as such a case where a child calls early on and wants to come home, without pointing to this particular family, it is too difficult to make the call if it is the right or wrong thing to do since one cannot settle into a routine until after the Yomim Tovim because everyone is scattered all over and there is no real routine in school until everyone comes back and Yom Tov is over. Everyone is basically on their own forced to make their own arrangements for the entire Tishrei until they settle back after the Yomim Tovim. Most schools say that the real bonds and the real flow cannot really be determined until Chanuka time.
So NO there is no rule that says that you must send your kids to E’Y for seminary or yeshiva. But if you choose to do so, make sure you all know what you are getting yourselves into from the start. Don’t take it lightly. Know what your commitments are and what the costs will be both emotional and financial and how they effect everyone involved.