Queen Bee, in regard to your post which lists many reasons you feel ‘out of place’, I feel exactly the same way about A, D, E, and I.
I loved the community where I went for high school. It is really tiny (Maybe 40 Jewish families), and even though they are very diverse, they all consider themselves one group, all daven at one shul, all invite each other to their simchas, all get along beautifully. Some wear black hats, some wear jeans, some wear white shirts, some have never worn a white shirt in their lives, some women wear shaitels, some women don’t cover their hair. And none of them consider themselves “better” than someone else. No one is “yeshivish”, “MO”, or any other worthless label. Everyone is simply “Jewish”. That’s the type of community I want to live in, because I, like you, don’t like conforming, have very different views about many things, and I also feel like I don’t really belong in the CR. I know I’ve offended people here when discussing my views on certain things. So I guess it’s not really because you live in New York that you feel this way. It is probably more of a personality and values thing.