double post: judge me!
anyway…i can share my experience wondering “what if i werent frum”
everyone thinks it at one point or another…especially now when were so exposed to secular life.
when i was around 16 i used to wonder what it would be like to have a girlfriend. so one day im online and someone messages me asking for advice. he tells me that hes filling out an application to work at an upper class camp in maine an theres a question about mental health. theyre asking if hes ever had psychiatric treatment or has any mental illnesses. so i ak him if hes had…and he tells me that when he was 16 he attempted suicide by hanging because his girlfriend had dumped him. i instantly appreciated those halachos.
how about shabbos. i used to dislike shabbos for the same reason that everyone who dislikes shabbos, dislikes shabbos. it was boring. oh my goodness! shabbos ending at 9:30! what even! i would seriously go out of my mind every shabbos if my friends werent home because i so desperately wanted to turn on my computer and entertain myself…i never did, but i really wanted to. and then i got a job. and my life went to the dogs. all of a sudden i had responsibilities, obligations, problems, worries…AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
mind you i was 17! most people dont get jobs until theyre out of beis medrash…i was thrust into all this a little bit early in my life! but shabbos took on a new meaning. now when i walked through the streets on shabbos and saw goyim running for busses, taking on cellphones, driving to shopping centers, cleaning their porches, working on cars, or even playing handball…i would smile. i would almost laugh…because i imagine how miserable their lives must be if they NEVER have the opportunity to just leave it all behind and REST! never experience menuchas hanefesh…never experience a day without worry…to never just sit back…and enjoy life in its simplicity. ever studied hilchos shabbos? thats about 5 billion “no”s appreciated right there 🙂 i can go on…but im hungry and bored.