Reply To: can i date a girl without Shadchan????????/

To Popa Bar Abba my Rav said I should not speak to my sister’s hairdresser.

I just spoke to a Rabbi, I will quote you some things he said.

To oomis1105, Yaakov was 84, he dated without a Shadchan, Yitzchok was 40, derive from here that even a 40 year old needs a Shadchan.

To Cherrybim: Throughout Tanach, we find people never dated without a Shadchan. Moshe Rabbeinu used Yisro as his Shadchan, Dovid Hamelech used a Shliach (messenger) with Bat Sheva, all the people who met women in Tanach used a Shadchan.

To everyone: It says in Taanis ??? ???? ????

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There were were no happier days for Yisroel then Tubi’Av and Yom Kippur, the daughters of Yerushalayim would go out in white dresses and would dance in the vineyards and they would say ‘young man raise your eyes, ‘see what you choose for yourself’.

The last phrase ‘see what you choose for yourself’ was said by a Shadchan. The Talmud in Kiddushin says a Am Haaeretz should go out with the Talmud Chochom when he goes on his date to see the girl for the Torah Scholar, as it is not proper for the Torah Scholar to look at the woman even when he is dating her. So either the Am Haarerz was the Shadchan of the Torah Scholar, or/and this means you cannot look at a woman on a date, although Rabbi Moshe Feinstein derives from this Gemara that a (non chassid) can look at a woman on a date.

We see many times in the Talmud, Shadchainim were used, for example if I remember correctly ‘Mar Ravina made a match for his son with the daughter of Rava.

The word Shadchan is used in the Gemara many times ‘leshadech bnos’ and in Shulchan Aruch, Choshen Misphat ??? ????? ????? ????? ?’ ?

Ramah mentions a Shadchan mentioned from Talmud Bava Metzia and brought down by the Rishonim like Moderchai and Rosh .

It also mentions Shadchan in Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim, ????? ??? ?? ?’ ?. The Beis Yosef brings it down from Talmud Shabbos.

It mentions in Taamaie Minghagim, about 8 lines in Inyaie Ishus, about Shachanus fees.

If you read Biographies of the Gedolim over the centuries (all the ones I read) a Shadchan was used for them.

So all Kosher Yidden from Adom Harishon used Shadchan’s.

After World War 2 many people were single, and older (Holocaust survivors) so the Rabbanim made Heterim for marriage without Shadchanim (when media was still in black and white). However these were not the Midos Chassidic people. The ‘holier’ Yidden even in this time with these circumstances used Shadchanim.

Before World War 2, the people that did not use Shadchanim were not Kosher Yidden, the Kosher Yidden always used Shadchans.

Nowadays people who don’t use Shadchans have bad marriages (very often ending in divorce, or problems with there children). Both me and this Rabbi said many of the people we know who married without Shadchans are having these problems.

So this is why there is no mention in Halacha or Minhagim for no Shadchan’s, it is obvious!!!!! based on all the Issurim in the Gemara on talking to a woman, looking at women to derive pleasure, ect,.

In conclusion, be a Kosher Yid, use a Shadchan!!!!!!