Queen Bee, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about that. I still struggle with it, too, sometimes. We all do, on varying levels. But we are at our peak in our faith when we see, or at least choose to see, the hand of G-d in our lives. Someone who denies the existence of G-d will refuse to see Him in anything, no matter how obvious it is, and someone who believes in G-d can always see Him in everything. And that makes life more meaningful. Yes, I have lapses too, and there are times when I really don’t feel connected to G-d or feel that He has forgotten about me, but I try to maintain an attitude of being open to seeing Him in my life, and with that attitude, I can usually bounce back. Once I do see Him in my life, it makes it a lot easier for me to daven to Him and learn Torah.
Not sure if this helps, but it might be a way to assist you in finding purpose and fulfillment in davening and maybe even a general better relationship with G-d.