Queen Bee…often our mind and heart aren’t on the same page. There is always internal struggle. Thats what it is to be a human. The fact that even though you don’t Daven now, but want to is HUGE…It’s takes a lot to look at oneself and want to try to change things…Even if you don’t change anything right now, but think about changing is a great accomplishment…The fact that you are struggling with Emunah is good, To clarify, I’d rather struggle, then totally let it slip away…
I would check out Rabbi Lazer Brody website, He deals a lot with struggling with Emunah and has some wonderful advise.