Sam2, I agree with you, there is something there that never healed. And even though someone seems like a tzaddik to the outside world, as we have all learned lately, that doesn’t mean they are a tzaddik to the one that should be on the top of their priority list. This makes it even more painful and hurtful to that woman because of the hypocrisy involved and because no one believes that this angel, this tazaddik could possibly hurt her in any way. That’s the kicker, that’s the trigger and the stimulus that probably keeps her going, because no one knows him the way she knows him from her perspective and no one validates her and therefore she keeps going on, and on, and on. Who knows, maybe if she got the validation that she needs, she would stop.
I am involved in such a case now. My client’s husband is abusive and she hasn’t said anything through her long marriage. She has just informed both their families and they are all shocked, but because she is who she is they believe her. But if you would go out on the street and ask about this choshuv guy you would get the same reaction as the poster describes about the ex that she knows. No one knows what goes on behind closed door. So although it seems crazy and it is foolish of her to keep it up, you don’t know the pain she carries within. Her current husband might actually understand and have compassion for her.