You sound like me 5 years ago. IMHO you need a serious dose of self esteem. It is only recently that i discovered my chashivus. It took a lot of self help (Garden of Emunah and others) and professional help.
The thing is I was always a good guy. Everyone around me has always been machshuv me. But I never lived up to my own high standards for myself and my entire life has suffered because of it.
When you discover who you are and you develop true emunah, the rest falls into place.
Good luck!