Reply To: Caring about other people needs- Where to draw the line

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#791494
tomim tihye
Member

Middle Path:

Sounds like you were blessed with an extra measure of sensitivity to the needs of others. To ascertain whether you are overdoing it, try asking yourself these questions.

Do I feel angry if the recipients do not acknowledge my chessed?

Do I feel angry if the results of my chessed are not what I had wanted?

Do I feel obligated to perform each chessed that comes my way? (or do I view it as an opportunity which I can consciously decide to utilize e.g. will it infringe on my personal responsibilities, etc.)?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then your chessed may be a compulsion stemming from a desire to gain approval or be in control. In order to ultimately do true chessed, try saying “No” sometimes. When you give yourself permission to say “No”, you may feel relieved (and also bad at first; ignore this feeling- it’s the Yetzer Hara.)