Happiest:
That is fine. You should not feel guilty about not wanting to daven, and if it really bothers you to daven, then you should just say the minimum halacha requires and leave it at that.
Happiest; you are a good person. You are trying your best. The situation you find yourself in is not your fault, and the way it makes you feel is not your fault. Hashem only judges us according to how hard it is for us, and probably this is just too hard for you. You are a good person.
And if you ever do feel like asking Hashem for something, then ask for it. And when that happens, then you’ll mean it. And that’s what Hashem really wants.