“I’m afraid to go back to the rav to tell him my husband is still having this issue”
He can’t help you if he doesn’t have all the facts straight. Given the details, he can either get your husband to get his act straight or advise you to move on.
“I blame myself, and then wonder if the way he’s behaving is normal.”
This is a crippling thought process which you must get out of your head. Think for a minute-he couldn’t get along with his first wife-he threw cold water at you-he can’t keep basic mitzvos-that is not normal – so anything he does is suspect, including not showing affection and putting you down. He is in the hot seat to explain himself, not you. You are normal , he is not. Period. The question is whether you can work with him to get him to change and how.
“The only other rav we have is the one from our shul, who is quiet, busy, and we don’t really have a relationship with him”
It may be worthwhile to call him up-give him a brief rundown of your situation and ask him if he is willing to take this on and if not can he recommend some one. Even if the current rov is ok, it helps to have a second opinion.
You are in a difficult situation and you are not burdening people by asking for assistance. People feel for such situations and are happy to give of themselves.