I’m familiar with facebook, the “scenes” you describe in the catskills, e”y etc. (I’m a father of 3 teenagers). I also have my own ideas why teens from “mainstream” yeshivas and beis yackovs end up this way. I think it starts with telling teens they are on the express to gehennom for going bowling with their friends of the same gender, (at a time when members of the opposite gender are not their no less) or playing basketball for an hour instead of using bein hasdarim to learn even more. It comes from weighing every action, thought and word spoken against “what will be with your shidduch!” threats from parents and teachers alike. Put anyone under enough stress and they will look to relieve themselves from it, whether you like it (or the methods chosen) or not. I think every parent should do what they feel is best for their own kids (with input from their rabbonim/rabbeim/madrichim who truly know these children) and not rely on “well thats what they say works”. Your child is not their child, and your teenager is not their teenager. Chanoch LiNaar Al Pi Darko does not mean making every child fit the cookie cutter mold (although I admit, it makes parenting in the short term a whole lot easier). do what is best for your kid, and ignore everyone else. Dont worry about the yentas or your childrens shidduchim. You raise healthy, wholesome torah true yidden, you will find them a shidduch (with apologies to NASI and their numbers game).
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