And what you also don’t live with, is the guilt she lives with for the averos she committed. From time to time, I have flashbacks of things I did, and it really drags me down. Now imagine that, multiplied by years of being not yet frum.
Highly doubtful she looks back an enjoys the memories. Consider yourself lucky that you managed to sidestep that. Teshuva is between you and Hashem, but you still can’t undo the memories.