Most people I know who followed the type of path you described greatly regret their early indiscretions. They feel the things they did/ saw/ experienced still come back to haunt them in many subtle ways. Additionally that “fun” that they had was really not so fun! I once heard a beautiful mashal. If you see a fish in a fish bowl swimming around he looks rather bored — opening and closing his mouth and drifting along. If you want to see a fish really having a “good time”, take him OUT of the water. He will begin to dance and twirl and party! But the knowledgeable observer knows that the dancing and twirling are a desperate attempt to breathe when removed from his source of oxygen, and the placid fish in the bowl has everything he needs. Similarly often people who seem like they are having a great time are desperately searching for something to bring them satisfaction, acceptance and happiness. I have often heard from baalei teshuva who comment that many FFB’s feel like you do — if only they understood what they are NOT missing, they wouldn’t want it so badly.
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