Adorable;i dont have time to read all the posts so i hope i’m not being repetitive. but i’d like to say something. when you make a decision to go on the right path Hashem helps you and it does change you! this actually happens even if you don’t plaN IT OR DON’T EVEN KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN/ AN EXAMPLE. I USED TO LISTEN TO MUSIC WHICH was inappropriate. i loved the melodies but when i listened to the words. oy gevalt. so i made a decision to stop.i even discussed it with some poeple before rosh hashanna. i decided i just wouldn’t do it. i also stopped looking at certain pictures or videos. i had no idea that this would actually change me but it did. the change is very marked. before if i saw an immodest ad in a newspaper or magazine , it would register as , an ad. now it actually disturbs me with its immodesty. this just happened and i can only explain it as when i decided to behave in a more modest way, when i so to speak did teshuva for the previous behavior, Hashem actually changed soemthing in me so that what before seemed innoccuous to me , now as a result of my distancing myself from it became repugnant. this is one of the ways we are taught to do teshuva. if something has become a habit, first rid yourself of the habit. then the rest will follow. study Hilchot teshuva and you will see what they say. i was very pleasantly surprised and amased to see that this change had taken place. at first i felt i was giving something up that i really enjoed because it wasn’t “kosheR”. but as a result i not only lost the desire for it but feel i have reached a higher level. i am a woman if that makes any difference. so what i’m saying is , i don’t know about getting your innocence back, but you can attain a greater type of kedusha by turning to the right path. as far as your name. well rabbi akiva and resh lakish are examlples of that. what oyou truly aRE BELIEVE AND DESIRE WILL BECOME VISIBLE TO OTHERS. IT WILL SHINE THRoUGH. MUCH HATSLACHA.
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