Reply To: shidduchim…?

thats lovely but exactly how am i supposed to build a bayis neeman beyisrael if i have no desire to spend time with the person with whom im supposed to be building said bayis neeman…?

you cant want what youd like…im not going to marry out of some “code of honour” im not opposed to building a bayis neeman beyisrael but im not going to overlook something thats important to me in pursuit of it. the two are not mutually exclusive. im sorry if you and your wife sit there all day making polite noises at each other, personally id like some conversation once in a while with someone i would actually LIKE to converse with. is that too much to ask?

im expected to spend my life with someone…that someone better be interesting.

i mean if i cant talk to my future wife…who CAN i talk to…and if shes someone i dont ordinarily want to talk to…how am i supposed to get comfortable with her? how ill i be able to speak to her about important issues? how will we get to know each other? please dont give me any of your trash about bayis neeman being the be all and end all because i just dont care to hear it.

@bpt…ive been pretty stable for the past 2 years. the thing is though…and why i find your idea about my rov rather than a shadchan so appealing, is like i said i have serious family issues and will not be involving them in my marriage process at all. i may not even want half of them at my wedding…definitely not my mother…so there ARE issues at which a shadchan would just turn up his/her nose. i didnt go to beis medrash, instead i chose to work and have been since i left high school. basically ive been doing the same thing for 2 years.