Goq – you said that because you are single you don’t feel it is necessary to give a gift. Well, it depends on your age and stage of life. In another thread you said that you don’t ever expect to get married. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are a 50 year old bachelor, you can’t get by using the reasons you now use. If you are lucky enough to still have parents and you are young, your parents can include your name on their gift, but it isn’t the right thing to do after you reach a certain age.
zahavasdad – I am with you. If I feel I can’t afford a gift, I don’t go. I may send a donation card (18.00) anyway. Recently there was a Bar Mitzvah at my shul that I was not invited to. I do see the mother and the Bar Mitzvah bochur every week at shul and often share a table with them for kiddush. I am also active in Sisterhood with the mother. So, even though I wasn’t invited, I gave the boy a card with a check for 18.00. I thought of a donation but thought that the boy would prefer the money. 3 weeks later, they are both still thanking me and telling me how thoughtful I was. The boy had his thank you cards mailed within a week. Surprising but wonderful.
yeshivabochur – “inexpensive” is far more elegant than saying “cheap”. I had an aunt who owned a ladies wear shop. Her staff were instructed to never use the word “cheap” no matter how the customer worded things. If something was too expensive the staff would say ” I will find you something that is “less costly”. The word “cheap” was forbidden in the store.