“until you ask a shaila if kibbud av applies here.”
Let’s at least get the concepts right. Our case is not a question of kibbud av which is Service related. Our case is Moras av which relates to heeding a father’s directives and not causing him tzar, anguish. And Joseph is also right, it takes a bokie in shulchan aruch to decide what to do in this case. There are good reasons on both sides of the issue and a competent Rav is needed to offer a solution.