Hi. Reb Basket.
I’ll phrase a response the only effective way I see.
If I were a baal tshuva (I really wish I were, I have A LOT to do t’shuva for), I’d put away my great mind, dump it’s secular influence and knowledge in the nearest dump, and go to learn by a Rabbi. Of course a Rabbi you’re choosing has to have recommendations, but after that one must follow him BLINDLY. We are commanded in the Torah ?? ???? ?? ???? ??? ????? ??, to follow our Torah leaders even if our arrogant selves see otherwise. That is the ONLY WAY to know a little of Torah, or to know what must / must not be done. To decide by yourself & act upon it, is foolishness. Nothing Jewish at all. Just because one ‘feels pleased with himself’ does not at all make it a fulfillment of the word of G-d.
A lot of things you wrote here are pure foolishness to one who knows a bit of Torah. Why am I pointing it out? To show you – one cannot do it alone. See where it got you.
I should really make a macha’a, a condemnation (if that’s the right translation) for disparaging our holy Rabbis etc. Iv’e read your site too. You do that there too. Actually more so. You equate yourself to Tanaim (Shamai, Hillel), judicially deciding one’s wrong here, right there… Rabbis rulings make problems, don’t make sense etc. You solve your problems yourself with ‘Jewish principles’. So to date you’re the biggest expert in true knowledge of the word of G-d. Which one of our holy Tanaim (Malachim – angles of G-d) are right..
Seriously you must quickly find a competent qualified Orthodox Jewish Rabbi, willing to guide you at this stage, if you really want to be a Ba’al Tschuvah
I generally do not write so strongly or pointedly, your comment necessitates it. (If not for you, then for others)