Since I don’t know the party who is calling me and they have NOT told me anything about themselves or their family, NO I don’t believe that I am obligated to answer their intrusive questions. I do open up more with people who introduce themselves and tell me about their own child and what they are looking for and then ask me if the person in question is compatible.
If a stranger calls me and point blank asks me such questions, I just say “I don’t know that much about the family maybe you should call someone else”. So no I don’t lie and NO i’m not obligated to answer, Ask your own RAV about what to say and what not to say and who is obligated to say what. You can also get that information from the Chofetz Chaim society.
If you are going to call strangers be prepared to introduce yourself and tell them about yourself. Don’t try to be secretive and expect others to open up to you. What is your heter to accuse me of lying? I hope you never call me as well. As I said, I have been involved in many shidduchim and have been instrumental in giving the proper information to make the shidduch go through. So I don’t need your advice or your opinion on the way I conduct myself. I have told many a caller that I will not answer stupid questions such as tablecloths, toilet training, crystal glasses, maids, etc. I have told callers how much the entire neighborhood respects the family, loves the young person in question, benefit from their contributions and so on. If I know them personally I will give them my personal opinion on whether or not I think it is shayach.
I have made one shidduch on my own for someone who is very important to me. Every couple I set up on dates told me that although the chemistry wasn’t there I was on the right track and if I had anyone else for them, they would try it.