apushatayid,
Look at perek gimmel, pasuk tes-zayin and chof (Mossad Harav Kook – pg. samech gimmel – samech daled.
The term he uses is “lo hushg’chah”, which popa translated as “did not care as much”. I think the true meaning becomes obscured with that translation.
The part of this discussion which disturbs me the most is the contention that somehow the rishonim were more influenced in their thinking by contemporary thought than we are. The opposite is of course true. I think, however, that the reality we live with forces us to live differently than the ideal (as HKB”H created the world).
As an example, the idea of “avdus” is completely anathema to us and is wholly inconsistent with our sense of fairness. Yet, the Torah clearly believes in it.
I think as our generations continue, the human condition deteriorates, so that it is indeed inappropriate; the difference in level between classes becomes insufficient to support “avdus”. As well, the “superior” class is unable to treat the “lower” class in the proper manner, and is therefore unworthy of the privilege.
This idea also applies to our discussion. Although the role of woman was meant to be as “ezer” to man (and still is, although in a different, less literal sense), the practical manifestation of this in the manner described by Ralba”g is only appropriate when man deserves it, and when woman appreciates her role as not being degrading inasmuch as this was the purpose of her creation. Both of these factors do not apply today; the first because man is unworthy, and the second because of contemporary societal norms which have affected us.
Hence, popa’s rebbeim instruct him, and rightfully so, to teat his wife as an equal.
Ralba”g seems to attribute woman’s inferior “sechel” not to lesser potential, but rather to her inability to develop it due to her preoccupation carrying out her tasks as “ezer”. This is wholly consistent with the high level of intelligence and education found in today’s women (which is an additional reason in and of itself for the relationship between man and woman to have changed).