You can not, nor should you try, to change your mother in law and how she acts, reacts or speaks in given situations. You are responsible for yourself, and to educate your children. When it comes to your children, you and your wife call the shots, not MIL or anyone else. If visiting undermines this basic principle, let MIL (FIL too) know that this is an issue, and until it is resolved you must avoid situations where it occurs. She will probably be insulted, may yell and scream and blame you for taking her grandchildren away from her, but ultimately, how you raise your children falls on your shoulders (and your wifes – if your wife agrees with her mother, you have bigger problem to deal with), not hers. If you have a Rav, seek guidance how to balance the mitzvah of kibbud av and her interfering in raising your children how you see fit.
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