Funny you should mention this, as I just read something in R’ Twersky’s haggodoh that may steer you in the right direction.
The “mah nishtanah” is about conflicting ideas. The matzoh and marror are about remembering the tough times, while the dipping and leaning are all about freedom.
So what are we trying to remember? The answer is, yiddishkeit is not always about “having all the answers, right away”. Sometimes, you need to have faith.
And take it from a 20+ year veteran; You are ALWAYS learning something new about your relationship with your spouse. Even after you think you understand them thru and thru. Its part of what keeps the game interesting!