You say she had a bad upbringing. You also say she may be the controlling one in her marriage and that she often finds fault in others. It sounds to me like she was emotionally/verbally/or physically abused as a child and probably raised by a parent or parents who did not give her the emotional support and unconditional love a child needs. While you were there for her and helped her get to where she is today, something deep inside her is still wounded from her childhood. Our early childhoods make us who we are today, and change is very hard. You cannot change her if she does not want to change herself.
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