eclipse~ I will share my personal experience.
I have a son & daughter 2 1/2 yrs apart.. then had a 5 yr ‘break’.. then had a another son & another daughter 2 1/2 yrs apart.
both my sons went OTD, then came back, then went OTD again, & then came back again. my sons are now 32 & 24 & remain strongly back, B’H.
part of those yrs, they lived at home.. part of those yrs. they were in yeshivas in Israel. no matter where they were living we strongly, lovingly supported them unconditionally. it was easier for me than for my DH ’cause I’m a BT, & my husband comes from a very strict Chassidishe family.
I belonged to the core group of MASK & found myself not endorsing the majority of the members’ policy of ‘tough love.’ and glad I felt & practiced the way I did, as my sons always knew how much I cared. there were other parents who removed the OTD child from the home because of the fear that the younger children would be badly influenced.
as noted, you can see each son has a sister close in age. my older daughter has always been completely ‘yashar’/straight. she always showed her brothers much love, caring, & tried in the nicest ways to endorse her strong beliefs. my younger daughter is a little more modern observant. altho’ both girls were completely exposed to both their brothers’ actions, I can honestly say that they weren’t affected in their Yiddishkeit by their brothers.
but you also havta understand that my children did not live sheltered ultra-Orthodox lives: they saw movies & tv (altho’ my older daughter chose not to starting in high school); they went on family trips & were exposed to many different types of Jews: in Eugene, OR. & Seattle, WA. for example …… so these circumstances may differ from yours.
I wish you strength & clarity .. & pray for happy endings with your children as I have had with mine.
{{{HUGS}}}