“If the boy is upfront and is only willing to get married if the in-laws provide a house, that is their business.”
True; but here in America we have a problem called “keeping up with the Joneses”. I personally don’t have this problem, but a lot of people do. These people are psychologically forced to say and commit to things that is way beyond their means. Maybe they are scared their kid won’t get married if they don’t. This definitely was one of the reasons why Gedolim put out Takonos about Chasunah spending.
So IMO, if a bachur before the chasuna has demands that they Know the in-laws can’t afford to do, but they do it anyway because they can get away with it -this is Very Not Ehrlich and such a person doesn’t deserve to be supported to sit and learn!