I certainly agree with you that feelings of resentment can occur if the father/in-law feels there is a stronger learner that might need the money more besides for his own son/in-law, but what can you do- aniyei ircha kodmin.
I think points 1 and 4 are the same, namely that there is only room to talk if the parents can afford it or willing to make sacrifices in order to do it.
Point 2 is just saying that most parents aren’t ba’alei nefesh that they can see the larger picture that at the end of the day their children are learning despite a bad attitude. But I think that is normal.
3 is similar to 2 in that if the child is learning SOMETHING he is already getting more schar for himself and doing good for the rest of the world than had he been doing nothing. But if he spends first AND second seder in the Coffee Room, then yeah.
5 I am not sure I can agree the whole way. A boy has the right to want to sit and learn. The onus is on the girl’s father to marry his daughter to a talmid chacham (pesachim 49a). The predominance of talmidei chachamim among people who want to remain in learning is much higher than among those that don’t. The gemorah says a person should sell everything he has for this.
That being said, I’m also sticking myself in a hole as my first is a girl and in E”Y you have to buy apartments if you want your girls to get married.