Stamford Hilly Billy-
Thats a real tough situation to be in…I feel for you.
From my (a female who has been dating) point of view, its hard to know when you are really interested in starting to date and getting close to a girl. Sometimes intimacy can be very scary for people, myself included. Alot of times we are afraid of rejection or not being accepted for who we are…
In terms of “goals”-that word can mean different things to different people. Some people may have a goal to get a top job and make it rich and have many comforts in life. Others may have goals to constantly work on themselves to be better people, or to get closer to Hashem…there are many goals people can have-emotionally, physically and of course spiritual. It depends on the individual person.
In terms of dating, you seem like a very special and thoughful person, who has a lot to offer. If you dont mind me asking-have you been on a date before, just to get your feet wet? Sometimes that may help ease someone into the dating world. Of course its impossible to know after just a short time of dating, but it seems that a girl who is caring, understanding of you, accepts you for who you are and is motivating and upbeat will be a good match for you and you can help each other grow and bring out the best in each other. Thats really one of the goals in marriage-to bring out the best in the other person, and help the other partner grow in what he or she is lacking.
Of course one important component in being ready for marriage is working on oneself, self introspecting, and knowing who you are. A partner could help you go along with that and give you an objective opinion on what you would really want to do in life. Of course this should be a girl who is well thought out, but they are definitely out there 🙂
Another thing-if you dont mind me asking. Have you tried therapy in any sort? Its hard to find a good therapist but with the right one, and perseverence and determination, they can really help change your life and bring you to a healthy, self satisfied and clear place. I know of some good ones who have helped people who are afraid or wary of marriage for various reasons become much more healthier and have happy and strong unions. If the mods allow, maybe you can message me privately? I hope this helps…
Blabla, part of this can be for you. I remember those teenage years. They can be quite turbulent, and even if its not so obvious, I am sure many girls you know are also going through something similar. I am having you in mind and want to give you a Bracha that Hashem should be with you and help you find true and longlasting happiness very soon…