Philosopher, the point is knowing how “YOU” need to be respected and understanding that others need to know that as well. YOU are just as important as the next person and if in any given relationship YOU are not being respected as you should be YOU need to review that relationship and take a real close look to see if it is working for YOU. In many relationships, even best friends and yes sometimes relatives the relationship works really well for one side because they gain so much from the “giver” but it doesn’t always work for the one who gives so much or gets taken advantage of. But until the “underdog” understands that they are allowing themselves to “be” the underdog by “accepting” unacceptable behavior, the cycle continues.
When one realizes that they too are an important person and they too have the right to choose which relationships work for them and which are caustic for them, that is when the cycle of pain is broken. Again no one can change another person or control what THEY do, you can only change yourself and control what YOU do. But when WE change our own behavior people do react to our changes. So when we no longer accept unacceptable behavior and we expect others to “respect” us the way we “need” and deserve to be respected, others respond to the change in us. They will either understand and comply to the point that we have a more balanced relationship or they will fall by the wayside and will no longer be in our quality circle of friends and loved ones.
We can choose to forgive someone because they are selfish and will never change or don’t even realize what they do, or because we don’t want to waste our energy on them. But then like in your case we need to also take a good hard look at the relationship and decide where we want to go with it. Are you getting hurt because they are selfish and you are allowing them to be because you are not standing up for yourself and letting them know that your needs are not being met in this relationship? Is it worth your time and energy to try and work on it and let them know what is and isn’t acceptable in this relationship? Or is it time for you to understand that you will never be respected in this relationship and give it up?
Truly, the choices are yours to make. No one needs to be continuously hurt or have to be on their toes all the time to avoid being hurt by another person. Hatzlocha!