Dr. Pepper:
“One should emphasize more on the pain being felt than on attacking the one who caused it”.
You are 1000% correct. The main reason is because the recipient hears and understands how YOU feel. They can’t argue that you’re NOT feeling that way, shouldn’t FEEL that way, or have to put your FEELINGS aside.
If you go into attack mode the recipient feels the need to defend themself and an adverserial approach will be taken. This is because their FEELINGS are hurt and they can’t think about things from your perspective any longer.