Gila Manolson’s book “Outside Inside” has given me a lot of chizuk in this.
Her idea is that tznius is not about clothing – it’s about how we define ourselves. What we wear defines us to others, even if it is not the way we wish to be defined. When we define ourselves as a “neshama (something completely spiritual)”, and we want others to define us that way as well, we choose clothing that help others look at us spiritually.
It’s a great book and I recommend it to anyone – not only those struggling with tznius.