In general, the whole shidduch dating scene these days is messed up just like the mindframe of a good percentage of girls ideals. When I was dating, I only wanted a guy who for certain was going to work in the foreseeable future. Bec ppl knew my father (a magid shiur) they didn’t bother asking what I wanted and assumed I wanted only learning. Even after I cleared their misconceptions, I was being offered learning. Matter of fact ppl who redt a guy and swore he was going to work (went to college) told me on a date he has no intention of working. Why girls do you find this attractive? What is so wrong with a working guy? What is so wrong with not having to go to ur parents for money? Why dony you want to make a life for yourself? I have friends who compare just how little money they have like its a bragging rite. This is not normal. You want learning? Make sure he goes to a shiur once or twice a week and let him learn on weekends. Guys who do this enjoy learning and look forward to it a lor more than guys who do it every day and its routine. So I wonder, is it the learning that yoou want or when you do some introspection is it attention? A guy who “learns” all day can be home for breakfast luch and dinner, pick up the kids from playgroup and help with bedtime and still have time to spend with you. If that’s the truth, pls grow up before you marry.
I am not knocking full time learners who are lishma. The sad truth is these excellent and honest boys are very very few and far between.