I’m sorry about your loss and I understand and feel your feelings. My initial thought without thinking is as follows. I feel that you have a legitimate point but the blame is on society as a whole.
Through recent technology we have developed into a fast paced, self centered people. Myself included. Family time is a thing of the past, as we are so busy with work, our blackburies (as I like to call it being that it buries its users alive), etc.
This mindset pervades, and creeps into every part of our community. The Rabonim did not choose this path but rather the mindset of the community influences everyone. The Rabonim therefore in your case may not have been as attentive as you may have wanted to your feelings in this case.
However, they are no more to blame then the countless times a day that we are for this issue. It just comes out differently by us as we are not Rabonim.
Maybe we don’t call our grandparents as much as we used to being that we are so busy texting etc. . . Maybe I wouldn’t be blogging at 2 AM when I should reaaly be going to sleep so that I can learn normally tomorrow etc. . . We are all guilty.
My advice to you is that you should forgive them and understand why you are forgiving them. Then, you can take this as a lesson for yourself. Look what happens when we allow ourselves to fall to the now norms of society. Let us take back control of our lives. Let us add meaning and warmth. Let us practice patience and compassion, as opposed to developing further into irate, impatient people, that honk our horns when it takes the car ahead of us 2 extra seconds to go by the green light.
(I Chas V’Shalom do not mean to put down, in the slightest of ways our Chashuva Rabonim that are Moser Nefesh every minute of their day to the ever growing needs of the Klal. I’m just bringing out a point about us laymen and how it possibly crept to them a drop).
This a lesson for us all that I hope we all learn from.