the rule in our house is that the first time you come you are a guest, after that pretty much make yourself at home.
a few things to remember:
ask the hostess before clearing off the table- maybe she is not ready for things to be brought in yet
when you DO clear, ask where things go.
if your host family has certain rules (for lack of a better word) in their house, follow those rules- in our house, the rules are if you are male cover your head, no cursing, no male-female touching (unless you are married)
also if your host or hostess asks you to stop a topic of conversation, LISTEN whether you understand the reason or not.
be polite and always say thank you before you leave.
about the hosts children, i dont really care either way if someone says something about my kids. i DO have a problem when someone tries to chase my kids upstairs because he “just wants to give him a hug” (hes not invited back, and his name is not allowed to be mentioned)
if you are sleeping company, dont come out of your room when the men come home from shul. ask the hostess how you can help. before you leave, ask if you should strip the bed. make sure the room is neat, anything you took out should be back in place…..
also, whether eating or sleeping over, always tell your host family if there are any allergies or special diets they should know about. if youre vegetarian, dont show up at someones house on shabbos and epect to be served lots of the things you like unless your host knows about it.