oomis – that’s fine. my words are not only directed at you. there is a certain mentality on the world that there are signals and red flags. While I agree that occasionally a guy or girl will do something that IS a red flag, I feel that dating is not just some game. It is about building a relationship and relationship building includes taking even an offensive thing and working with it. I don’t like blanket statements and “rules” about what is tolerable or not. It is unfair to everyone involved. Unfortunately, there are many singles today who don’t get married because they are picky about things that, on the surface, sound reasonable. Similarly, there are married people who get into problems because they have not learned how to voice disapproval constructively. MOST things that bother a person on a date are not worth breaking up with the person for without giving it a chance. And I sincerely mean it when I say I am sure your husband is a tzaddik. However, if he is, I bet if you ask him, he can come up with many instances where he was not as thoughtful as he could be. That said, he is still a tzaddik and if he did do something you thought was inconsiderate I am sure you would at least speak to him about it saying “You know, you have always been such an amazing, loving husband. This thing you did was so uncharacteristic of you. I was wondering why you did it that way”. That’s what I am saying should be done even in dating. you are going out with someone who you have hopefully checked into and found out wonderful info about. He has treated you nicely in every other way and been eidel and respectful. Why would you jump to conclusions about him because of one act or lack thereof? Earlier you called such a person a jerk. Why?
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