oomis – thank you for finally addressing the points. When you read this post, I would like you to keep in mind that I do walk the girl to the door so I am not defending MYSELF in any way. I am simply trying to figure out why you are so vehement about the issue. 1) I noticed you are a proponent of communication. So again I ask why this issue of walking to the door does not fit your bill of something to be discussed (considering that based on what a significant number of people feel, it may not be appreciated or even appropriate. I know you don’t agree but some people – girls – feel that way). Why do you think that your opinion is the only one worth anything? (This is why I said you sound bigoted). 2) The belch thing was meant as a crude example of something that is accepted by a group of people as common courtesy but quite the opposite by others. I doubt that any marriage is made or broken by the act of someone holding open a door or walking the girl to the door (I am assuming that just about everything else about the guy is good. My attack on your theory was based on the feeling I got that you would say to dump a guy based on this act alone. If I was in error, I apologize). 3) If I am wrong on this, I apologize again, but regardless of your natural tendency to defend your husband, I do not believe that there is a person on this planet that hasn’t done SOMETHING inconsiderate in 34 years at least in a small way. GEDOLIM felt at times that on their level they were being inconsiderate. I am not C”V implying that your husband is an inconsiderate person, but when a man and woman come together for the first time in each of their lives they are bound to overlook some needs of the other person since the ideas are foreign to them at first. It takes many years to perfect your being attuned to your spouse. 4) My personal things to look for in a girl are 1)kind 2) flexible 3)can we disagree respectfully with each other 4)can she bring up her concerns about me in a gentle, considerate manner and 5) can she accept my concerns about her and either point out to me why i am in error or agree to work on her growth. I don’t think learned is such a a biggie (when looking at a guy, i mean) since some people will understand that to have to do with smartness. I don’t think that is a very crucial thing to look for as a general thing in a relationship (some people need it, but it’s not a good example of a general concern). I don’t have any real objections to the other things you listed but I noticed that walking to the door wasn’t in your top ten. If you will include it in the first thing you listed, I refer you to my earlier comments about consensus and communication.
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