Riki you need to find ONE person/friend that could always have a ear for you. Everyone in this society is volunerable to going off the D. If you don’t speak to someone your burning yourself. there are plenty of confidential hotlines. Contact rabbi dov brezak. my favorite.
I have plenty of experience with these cases. i know how bt parents are and i know how their kids still want to be “Modox” .
It is one of the hardest tests.
If you want to be refered to someone we can surely help you.
sometimes ppl like to speak to a total stranger so the they dont know them and they don’t jugde them. for example if a yeshivish bochur in a shtark yeshiva would tell his rebbe he has a girl friend the rebbi would help but also loose respect for this “shtarkest boy” .
so think what you think would be the best for you and do it. bec keeping it in you is DESTRUCTION>>>>>
*MAYNISH*