1. Can you really see a person’s true colors during dating?
Yes, but it takes time. You want to see the person in different situations. Things to ponder:
Kiso – What do they spend money on? Or not spend on? How much tsedakah do they give? What are their aspirations financially?
Kaaso – What makes them upset (what makes people upset is usually what they have an interest in)? How do they react then? How do they deal with stress?
Koso – How are their table manners? Do they like to drink? Any good Purim stories?
2. Did you receive accurate information about your spouse from references?
I did little reference checking. I found it to be near futile, as most girls that I dated were several years out of B”Y and several years into career/college. I found that most girls don’t have a strong kesher with a rav/rebbitzen and their ref’s were usually vague.
mytake, welcome to the CR, and may H’ grant you success