hi Ooomis, I believe I recognize you from CalmKallahs?, or somewhere else. Let me respond to your post.
“Divorced guy – if you are 36, I sincerely hope you are not trying to date girls in their early-mid twenties. And just to let you know, many girls, aged 25-28, whom I know personally, who go to Singles events, DETEST it when divorced guys in the 36-40 group hit on them. They are too polite to say, “go away and pick on someone your own age,” but that is exactly what they are thinking. It totally creeps them out that a guy that much older than they, is trying to get their number.”
I happen to be a very perceptive guy and I never ask a girl out directly if there is a significant age gap unless I am fairly sure she will say yes. In fact, many of those girls who are “eeiked out” often confide in me that they feel that way because they don’t perceive me to be interested in them. I will only ask a girl out if I am fairly sure she will say yes, so I don’t usually go out with the women you describe. I stick to shadchanim for the most part, or to asking someone out who has already indicated their interest to me. And it does happen, most women I date are 9+ years younger than me.
Now getting back to those women who are “eeiked out”…. In my opinion they are making a very, very big mistake and will regret it when they are older and more mature. Frankly, I just don’t get it. They are in their early 30s and have a very limited time to find someone to marry if they want to have children. Added to that the paucity of decent guys out there. I am not judging them, I just think that practically speaking it makes absolutely no sense for them not to consider us older guys.
I am not judging them and I hope they will Be’ezras Hashem find their zivug when Hashem sends him. However, I for one constantly re-think my approach to dating and constantly challenge my presumptions. I wonder if those women who can’t stand it when an older guy approaches them are doing the same.
“Tav LiMeitav Tan Du”