Artchill, let’s agree to strongly disagree. Chessed IS a mitzvah. Al shlosha devarim haolam omeid…etc. We are human and as such cannot ALWAYS be in a great frame of mind. That does not preclude or excuse us from doing chessed. If I go to visit someone who is ill when I myself feel exhausted from a day of watching my granddaughter, doing laundry, running household errands, and I really just want to lie down and relax (did I mention there are 18″ of snow on the ground and I have to dig out my car?) then I have done a chessed that I was really not up to doing. Sometimes we have to just suck it up. Would it be better to NOT do the chessed?
Miritchka, it really is assur for someone to whom you are indebted, to make you feel that way by word or deed.