I disagree with you pba and RB. It is irresponsible to give kids alcohol before BM and shnops after bar mitzvah. That is why we keep grape juice around. There are many homes that use grape juice only for these very same reasons and don’t use wine at all. There are also parents who pour a small drop of light wine in their BM and older glasses from the Kiddush cup and then remove the wine bottle from the table. I would consider this responsible behavior or as you called it chinuch. Others leave the bottles on the table and allow them to be finished by all. This is irresponsible behavior.
Kids who have alcohol issues are kids who either are self medicating for entirely different reasons, or kids who “learn” from their parents to be irresponsible users. Alcoholism runs in families. There is a tendency for alcohol use. If you know anything about it, you know that the studies have shown that an alcoholic will have parents and/or grandparents with the same issues of substance abuse. There is a tendency to “need” the alcohol. You have to be careful and work to break the cycle. This is just information, I am not using it to prove a point where Jewish children are concerned or this topic is concerned, just giving you this bit of information because it IS a serious issue.
The use of Alcohol in Frum Homes have gotten way out of control. It has become way too important. Some people know way too much about alcohol which bottle is more valuable and can lay them out in order of cost and rarity, more so than a gadol hador or an important psak halacha. And that goes for teenagers as well as adults. What does that tell you about how low we have developed as a frum society and how important “mashke” has become in our world? What does that tell us about how WE NEED to be aware and BE CAREFUL about what we are teaching our children and the effects it is having on us.
We argue about taking TV and INTERNET into our homes and we neglect to mention THIS particular poison which not only kills the souls of our children but also their bodies. This is pure poison and we joke about it, we let our Rebbeim serve it, and we ignore the fact that kids imbibe in shul, in yeshiva, in our homes, in their Rebbe’s home, at simchas, etc. and we make light of the fact until it is too late and then what do we do? WE BLAME THE KIDS and call them bums! WHY because THEY couldn’t control THEIR tayvos! They are kids! How can they control their tayvos when adults allowed them free reign and carte blanche? They are kids whose adults in their lives thought they needed training in the fine arts of drinking alcohol so they got them started at a young age so they would be able to handle it by the time they were….what…17, 18, 19…21? For what reason? Why is it necessary?
People can manage ganz fine never drinking at all their whole lives if they choose to. What do they gain from alcohol??????????????? What are the benefits, please, please, please tell me! Also please don’t take my word for it, speak to others such as Rabbi Dr. Benzion Twersky, Rabbi Yanky Horowitz, Dr. David Pelcovitz, etc. there are a slew of prominent Rebbeim and physicians dealing with the fallout of kids and alcohol. Oh yes ask any Hatzolah member as well.