AZ, I was going to reserve judgment till my Yated came in the mail and I got to read this.
How often do realtors get 30K on a deal? Especially on houses worth 60K?
I do not like the idea of institutionalizing paying shadchanim after dates 2 and 4. There is way too much room for abuse and negios on the parts of the shadchan.
What could work – and I know of one community reaping the peiros – is for a COMMUNITY to hire a shadchan to work on its behalf. Of course shidduchim in the community will still come from other sources – Hashem works in amazing ways – but this is an idea that has worked, and maintains integrity for all.
B”H, all of the shadchanim I’ve dealt with, including a few pros, were nothing less than cordial and menschlich, even without greasing the palms. Maybe it had to do with other compensation, like sincerity and respect on our part.