Reply To: A Radical Solution to the Shidduch Crisis?

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#719480
Midwest2
Participant

Having known both married Chassidim and married non-Chassidim, in addition to a few things I’ve read here and there, I believe that what each group expects from marriage is slightly different. In Litvish marriages there is a lot more interdependence between the spouses, and parents become less important. Also, Litvish couples are more likely to move away, to Lakewood, EY, etc.

For Chassidish couples the emotional involvement with parents remains high, especially for young women, and spouses are not so much expected to be each other’s “best friends.” This is helped by the majority of couples staying close to their parents geographically. Look at the expansion of chassidish areas in Brooklyn, driven by the ever-growing population of newly-married Chassidim from BP.

Each group has different expectations and different systems for meeting them. The point of dating isn’t to boost statistics, it’s to produce happy marriages. If the Litvishe system as it is done right now isn’t functioning too well then we should work on fixing it, not trying to copy a system that’s designed for another type of derech. There are seventy faces to the Torah and at least that many Torah-true lifestyles.