Eclipse, you are both going through your own nisyonos, your child is going through his/hers and you are being tested as well. Children do not come with guarantees and they are not perfect. No matter what they do, what they say, or how they behave they are still our children. No matter what they wear, how they embarrass us they are still our children.
When I work with at-risk teens and their families the first thing I try to teach the family especially the parents is that they have to separate their pain from their child’s pain. It isn’t easy. Whatever they are doing it isn’t really aimed at you. So don’t take it personally, they are going through their own pain. And don’t ever worry about what other people think. Believe me other people don’t care what you think about them. Worry about what you child thinks of you.
Keep telling your child that you love them no matter what. Write them notes, and give them cards believe me they hold on to that and keep them in their drawer, in their secret box. They take that out and read it over and over again at the worst of times. They hear your words of love like a recording over and over in their mind when they need it the most. They take out your hugs from the pocket closest to their heart and envelope themselves with it at their worst points. So be their mother no matter what.
You have it right, keep learning to be the best mother you can be through the best of times and the worst of times because that is your nisayon to see your child through all their journeys the happy ones and the dark ones.