I’ll not address the “preference” comment, but the “can I return to the community” question, the answer is YES! I deliberatly left off the “mainstream” part, as each of us have a different idea of what “mainstream” means.
OK, I will address the “preference” comment. Take it from a former sinner; you only feel this way, becuase the yetzer horoh is telling you, you’re beyond hope. IGNORE HIM! You’re beyond hope when they start shoveling dirt on your coffin.
Till then, you are always able to come back.