i know im not the first one but i actually made an account just to post here. im a young girl just entering shidduchim from a good frum family in a typical jewish neighborhood. i was always an independent thinker and did what i felt was right and never just followed friends and older siblings…like with choosing a high school and seminary and now what kind of boy i wanna marry. firstly my parents are hard working ehrlich yidden and although they do earn a comfortable living…they can by no means afford to shell out minmum 2000 dollars a month to support me. (thus i hear is the going rate). now i would love to marry a learning boy and i think its beautiful but i am human and im not on the level to just give up my current lifestyle to live like the gedolim without any desire for materialisic pleasures. and so i have no problem with working boys who enjoy what they do and earn an honest living just as my father did all the years. and believe me my father is a tzaddik and a talmid chochom and is respected by esteemed rabannim. so now i sit here while friends and shadchanim talk behind our backs and look at me like a nebach case – like someone of a lesser society because i want a working boy. i dont want to speak l”h on klal yisroel because in many ways we are truly amazing!! but let me ask a question. is it normal that i feel shunned and looked down upon because i dont want to make my hard working parents feel obligated to support me and rake them of ever last dollar they might want to enjoy in their older years…clever – there are unfortunately too many times iv’e been turned off by our people and i guess thats a problem with being an independant thinker and not just going with the flow…but seriously…if i were you i would just think that after 120 you have to face hashem and what other people did or said is not going to be an excuse for your actions. you know whats right like evrey yid does inside! and as turned off as u may be by your surroundings – think about the wonderful chesed there is and remember thats what keeping the world in existence. we may not be perfect but other peoples imperfections are no excuse for you to do the wrong thing. someone wise once told me – theres room in gehenom for everyone. you get the idea….
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