Reply To: How did your tzaros change you?

I was brought up in a home with parents who were off the derech, and had left Orthodoxy in their teens, but became frum, learned Hebrew, how to make a leining, and started doing all of this when I was 16. I am 20 now, go to college, hold a job to pay for medical expenses, and learn several hours each day, give shiurim, write articles and pilpulim (you see some of them here), try to be mechazek others and do acts of chesed, and try to be medakdek b’mitzvos. As a result of my transition to a Torah lifestyle, my parents and I have nothing to do with each other, despite my being young (20), and I live without material support (I sacrificed my yerusha, my home, everything to be able to live a Torah lifestyle), sometimes I sleep on the trains, spend nights in Shomrei Shabbos learning Gemara, more or less doing the best that I can to get by. This is being mesiras nefesh for Torah and I would choose poverty/homelessness to keep mitzvos and learn torah any day of the week over, c”v, abandoning the lifestyle of emes HaShem revealed to me. On top of all of this, I am visually impaired, dyslexic, and am undergoing treatment for yeneh machla. The biggest challenge I face is the lack of monetary support a parent provides at this age, but it is a no-brainer for me to choose Torah u’mitzvos over living in an environemnt where I am not welcome due to my religious practices and beliefs. It is also depressing to not have a family to eat by for Shabbos and Yom Tov; my shabboses normally consist of making kiddush in Shomrei Shabbos, eating what hot item I can find there, and learning. It is very hard not having the simcha and ruchnius of a loving mishpacha who is with you and supports you in your faith. For whatever reason, HaShem decided I should be born to the people I was born to, but now that I am of the age to do as I please, I have taken upon myself shmiras hamitzvos. For this I would trade nothing. I’d even give my life for it, and to an extent I have (being homeless is no fun and can get to you very soon). The most important thing I remember and that gives me chizuk is this: For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but HaShem gathers me in (Tehillim 27:10). Remembering this helps me get through the tzaros of my everyday life.