Sacrilege
I see you seem to view things in the framework of “stars or demerits” that’s not the idea. I just try to focus on being a better person every day and trying to get closer to Hashem. I don’t focus on how much schar or onesh I will get for doing or not doing something. People who have anxiety are the types that worry, oh no I did an Aveira I’m going to get punished now I may get hit by lightening…that’s not how we are supposed to live our lives.
I think the best route to growth is to focus on building a positive relationship with Hashem by having a positive relationship with and towards yourself and others which will automatically pave the road to a positive relationship with Hashem. By doing Aveiros we are hurting ourselves which automatically means we aren’t having a positive relationship with ourselves, and don’t really love ourselves enough to do what’s in our own best interests this in turn will be an impediment towards a relationship with Hashem.
The purpose of life is a relationship with Hashem, not just to “play by the rules” or “play it safe.” We should strive to make Hashem part of our lives. Not just to follow the rule book and view Hashem as the govt where we don’t want to fall afoul of the law so we obey. Hashem is our best friend, He loves us, He is our father. He loves us infinitely more than our human parents ever will and ever can. Our work or challenge is to learn to “love Him back.”
Actually, in Shema when when reciting Shema Yisroel or rather before hand, one should have in mind I am being Mekayem the Mitzvas Aseh Deoraysoh of Ahvas Hashem as well as the Mitzvah of Kabolas Oil Malchus Shomayim. When reading the paragraph Veohavta, one must focus on being Mekayem the mitzvah of loving Hashem. The words are amazing but most people don’t dwell on it. Veahavta Es Hashem Elokecha Bchol Lvavchah Uvchol Nafshecha Uvchol Meoidecha amazing no? We have to love Hashem with ALL our Heart ALL our Nefesh which is soul and all our Meod which is our wealth as well as resources talents…